Jane McGuire

13 things that shouldn't be knitted

Thirteen things that shouldnt be knitted

First published date June 25 2014 Amended date February 23 2016

Once you've mastered the art of knitting, making another jumper can seem a little mundane and let's face it no one wants a homemade scarf for the third Christmas running. With your knitting needles and wool at the ready, the world is your oyster. It seems we are not alone in this opinion, from tortoise cosies to toast, you have been there, knitted that. With this in mind we bring you thirteen items that just shouldn't have been made...should they? 

 

1. The tortoise cosy

The same idea as a tea cosy but for a moving animal with a shell to protect it that also doesn't need to be kept warm (don't they hibernate through the winter?) However despite being utterly pointless, there is something oddly appealing about dressing your tortoise up as jaws. 

Image via thefreaky.net

 

2. The Ferrari

Some of us dream of driving a Ferrari, others dream of knitting one. Artist Laurent Porter created the life size woollen replica because "it is instantly recognisable and the opposite of what people expect from something that is knitted." You said it Laurent.

Image via blogspot.com

                                  

3. The knitted chair

Super cosy and warm or really scratchy and bobbly - we just can't decide. Unless someone wants to knit us one to try we'll leave this one for you guys to work out.

Image via buzzfeed.com

 

4. The onesie

You either love them or hate them (and secretly own one) the onesie is the fashion statement that has swept the nation. Giving students the chance to dress as big babies on a daily basis, you can't put a price on comfort right? Despite this, we think the only excuse for wearing a knitted onesie would be emigrating to the North Pole alone. Forever.

 

Image via collegehumor.com

 

5. The boob

Yep were not joking. Knitted breasts are widely used by midwives, health visitors and breast feeding volunteers to help mums learn more about attachment. The NHS is always grateful to receive knitted breasts, however expect odd looks making these in public. 

Image via mymummydoes.co.uk

 

6. The apple jacket 

First there was the banana box, now the knitted apple jacket - the war against bruised fruit continues. The latest accessory in fruit fashion, these little jackets can be made to match your handbag - naked apples are just so last season. 

Image via grandmotherspatternbook.com

 

7. The rock cosy

We've all seen our pet rocks shivering outside in the winter. To put an end to this nightmare, we introduce crochet rock cosies. 

Image via buzzfeed.com

 

8. The poo

This one left us all speechless...just why? 

Image via flickr.com

 

9. The baby wig

You too could turn your child into a real life cabbage patch doll with a crochet baby wig (please don't). 

Image via nbcnews.com

 

10.  Nike trainers like you've never seen them before

We didn't expect to come across these in our search and although they would be a nightmare when wet, we still think they would be the comfiest shoes ever.

Image via katesolomon.co.uk

 

11. Cat clothes

Nowadays, buying your pooch a Barbour jacket or your feline a new t-shirt is an acceptable occurrence. Although they have fur to keep them warm, we love any excuse to dress them up and share on Instagram. When it comes to knitted outfits however, we are not so sure.

Image via idealpetstuff.com

 

12. Knitted food

Another one we just don't understand. Surely eating the food would be far more satisfying than spending hours knitting it? From a full English breakfast to a slice of woolly pizza, it seems food is our favourite thing to knit after jumpers. You know what they say, if you can't beat them...

Image via dailymail.co.uk

 

13. Finally, the mouse trap made from wool

We are happy to report there is finally a solution to the well known problem of knitted mice nibbling the furniture. On the other hand, this also makes a great gift for the mouse lovers out there who want to pretend they have the situation under control. 

Image via blogspot.com

 

If you've created something that belongs on this weird and wonderful list then let us know or send us a photo on Facebook. On the other hand, if that scarf now looks more appealing, take a look at our knitting courses and get going. 

Jane McGuire

Jane McGuire received her BA (English) from the University of Loughborough. A yoga enthusiast with a sweet tooth, in her spare time you will probably find Jane in the gym or online shopping.